There are many types of people walking the earth surface. There are those who are real. There are those who are fake. There are those who are lovers. Then there is the fighters just to name a few. As for me, I'm somewhat different. On the exterior, I can be as calm as the Sea of Tranquility on the moon. But posterior wise, I am a raging storm. I hide many feelings and thoughts. Especially, my feelings towards my past relationships. Some say talking or writing about it helps. Some will view this way of expressing one self through the means of blogging attention seeking. But to hell with these numb skulls or morons. They just don't have a heart to begin with.
There are many things about me which I hide. Like how soft hearted I am. I only reveal that side to my true friends. Like Harny, Ian, Wan Joe, Shaz and Atiq to name a few. These people, they are my place of solace, happiness and many more crazy things. I owe it to them, for me still being around. Everyday, I look myself in the mirror and I get disgusted just by the sight of me. Deep down, only I know whats in my mind. Whats burdening my heart. Let me quote myself, "In my mind, you are the safest choice, but my heart say no". Harny, that line seems so familiar right? I say it just to make myself feel good. But in actual fact. I still hope, I still pray that she will one day return and mend my broken heart. That facade that you see is just like a firewall. Only the ones who knows me can break through it. This morning I came across something in her Life Journal dated April 26th 2008 . It says "Ever since the conflict that we had in early 2007, I was giving up and I thought this relationship will not bring us anywhere. He tried his best to convince me that he would turn into a new leaf, and eventually, he did it. He changed to a better person. I believe what goes around, comes around. Somewhere in the month of September, I did something bad that nobody would expect me to do. He was so disappointed in me and only god knows what he was thinking when the moment I told him about it. Our relationship wasn't smooth for a few months and each time we had conflict, this will pop out. It was so hard for me to heal his wounds and I tried 101 ways to please him and gain back the trust. Till now, I'm still wondering whether he have totally accepted my apologies. :( In 1 month plus, it's going to be our 4years anniversary and in 4 years time, I'm going to get engaged with him. Yes people. I've made up my mind. Instead of getting engaged at the age of 27, I've change it to 26. I'm going to tie the knot for about 1 1/2 years. Whatever it is, 28 would still be my ideal age of getting hitched. (: Though at times I may be rough, violent and always making trouble in the relationship, Deep down in my heart,I truly love you, my sweetheart. I may not always say the 3 words, "I ♥ you" ,
But, I'll always show and prove that I love you through the "TLC" (Tender, Loving & Care) way. Good night." This was blogged down by the one women I call Love. The one who gave me room to be someone great in her life. But I blew it. I realize how awful I was back then. The way I treated her. I regretted my actions. I was stupid. But now its just way to late to regret. I should have stop in my tracks and think it through. It was a hasty decision. I lost my way. But a small piece of my heart tells me. If I am patient enough. If I really love her. I should just let nature takes it course. I have to start from the bottom. I have to start being no one in her life. If you are reading this blog of mine. I hope you fully understand where I am coming from.
These are the side of me which I believe only great friends know. The only side that you know Liana. Being two different person at one time is tiring. Last words, I love my friends and I want to love you all over again.
These are the side of me which I believe only great friends know. The only side that you know Liana. Being two different person at one time is tiring. Last words, I love my friends and I want to love you all over again.
Labels: No Room To Breathe
Date/time: 10/28/2010 01:10:00 PM
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